What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
