ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we're so committed to being not committed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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