Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize