i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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