Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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