I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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