I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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