and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Porn is love you can see.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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