I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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