and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
