In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
