I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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