Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
