That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
