Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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