then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
