don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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