The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
