so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
