The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
