At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
