i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
