I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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