I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
