well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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