Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
