she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
