You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
