All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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