I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ketchup is God's man juice
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
