i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize