I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
