the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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