I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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