I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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