so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
