I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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