I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize