community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize