should my penis look like a turkey
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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