Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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