I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
