So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
