I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
