And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Vodka?
Forever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
