do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
