fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
