mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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