Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
