wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
