i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
