How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
