By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
