There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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