Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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