Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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