the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
