i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
