Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
