Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
