Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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