I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
