I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
