I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize