OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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