Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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