i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
