i love accidental penises.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
