She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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