marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
