And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So. Much. Porn.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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