yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
