so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it was like eating out sand paper
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize