I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
