Your face is a jimmy john
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
