when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize