Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
