I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
