I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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